What up, Turd Burglars?

Just got back to Colorado and just got my internet connection back. And by back I mean that I am sitting in my truck outside of a McDonalds. Man, I love this state. I missed it so much, but I had to bail after the whole Aurora, Colorado mess. That jackass lived in the same apartment building as me, and I couldn't risk the heat from the massive police presence. I had a sweet cook site set up with two choice Ionic Breezes set up to dissipate the chemical smells. Well they weren't actual Ionic Breezes, but they were the Walmart equivalent.

So anyway I had to take my business on the road. But the timing couldn't have been better, since the Gathering of the Juggalos was coming up and I had planned on attending like I do every year. In addition to the fact that I was sort of homeless once again, this year's GotJ was going to be special because it was going to be my son's first one. I recently got custody of him--he's 10, I think--when his whore mother fell out of the doorless Jeep she was driving while she tried to take a corner at 40 mph. Stupid bitch is all on life support now. I went to visit her in order to pick my son up from the child service agent and when no one was looking I spit into her unconscious cock-holster. Then I took her personal effects, which amounted to $22, an old cellphone, a Gameboy, and a couple buttons from a coat or something. Fuck her. Oh yeah, and I got her son too. My son.

We got out into the parking lot, and I helped him get into my truck. He's a little slow and needs help with some things, and he has this problem where he can't really use pronouns and shit right. For example, when he wants something, like a banana for instance, he'll say something like "him wanna baba." Whatever. Fuck it. It's not like it's my fault he's all fucked up. I haven't seen the little fucker since he was born and the doctors made him where some kind of fucked up football helmet because his head shape was "abnormal." So anyway we got up in the truck and I turned to him and said "Legolas, have you ever smoked meth?" He muttered something like "him no mama smo' him make baby sick." I took that for a yes and put a few pieces of glass into my pipe.

It must have been the stupid fucker's first time because he was all twitching and shaking and saying "him no mo him no mo" over and over. Kids nowadays are such pussies; I took my first hits of glass when I was like eight. That's just how my family rolls because we are badasses. I figured I had to toughen this kid up and quick. So he accompanied me to the Gathering of the Juggalos.

We drove straight through to Cave-In-Rock, Illinois. But when we got there, I realized I only had one ticket and that useless son of mine didn't have $150 to buy hisown ticket. I had about an ounce of meth, but I was going to need that later. What I needed then was a plan.

Some cop just drove twice through the McDonalds parking lot where I am typing this. I'm going to sign off for now and tell the rest of this story a little later.

So what UO servers are you guys on now? I might finally give in and accept membership to your guild. More later--here he comes again.