Aye Winwell]
Blazzen]Remind me to never go to Idaho.
I went to Idaho, it was terrible. Koke, are you a Mormon??
Hah! I have a fun story about that. FUN! Everyone gather around!
So. Long ago when I was a young lad on a sunday afternoon I was commiting spermicide to pages of black tit in a national geographic until I was interrupted by a knock at my door. Missionaries! "Excuse me sir do you have a moment to talk about going to hell for test-firing the old meat missle". I said "Gosh mister, I didn't know fishing with my zipper trout was sin. Is there anything I can do to avoid hell?". They said baptizing me will free me from makin' mayo sin. Weeks later I found myself in a pool inside a church standing beside an old man in long white underwear surrounded by white smiley people. He said some shit I didn't understand before forcing my skull into the water. I came out of that water
fREe from chicken choking sin and I was no longer going to hell. The white smiley people applauded me. It was official, I was one of those people.
FUCK YEAH! I made a vow to the church to never beat the shit out of my midget friend again. That night I....FUCK!
Well. I tried going to church a few times. Tried!1! UGH!!!1! The last time I went to church the bishop wanted to have "the talk" with me alone in his office. He locked his door, dimmed the lights, took off his shirt, had me sit on his lap, and asked me if I ever took a turn at the self-serving station. I said no, you know, like a liar. He says "BUFFERING THY BANANA IS SIN! DON'T NEVER FLOG THOU DOLPHIN! SIN! HELL!". Then he let me go. YIKES!!! Until the day I saw 2girls1cup, mormons were my number1 heebie jeebie in life. Yup, I said fuck church and never went back. So. Months ago out of nowhere my parents say to me "Son. Fuck you. You're a Mormon!". I said "Ugh. I'm pretty sure I'm fucking not! Fuck mormons!". One day my atheist gf tells me that mormons have a membership registry database and my name is on it. WTF!? My parents were right!? I interneted their data and sure enough my name was listed. I googled some shit and found instructions on how to remove my name. I had to email mormon headquarters in salt lake my demands to be unmormoned. They mailed me a letter saying they were sending a local mormon leader to my home to make sure this is what I want. Two weeks later two bishops were at my door. He says "Are you sure this eternal consequence is what you want? You can't come back if you turn your back. Forever!". And I said
https://youtu.be/kv2xDFQnlVw?t=21s
