Lords of Death

We Make Dead People.

Hiroshi Yamauchi-Game Over

By Roksmokar Mcgruff

I hope you are sitting down because the man behind Nintendo is dead folks. Not even a Power Glove worn by Neo petting his cold dead heart can bring him back.

As many of you know Hiroshi Yamauchi was my hero. My relentless yammering about this great man even got me permanently muted in voice coms by some. Today, we lost the Ghandi/Stalin of my generation and somewhere a talking mushroom is consoling a princess, while two gay plumbers bang each other.

July 15, 1983 the NES was released and in turn linked both Hiroshi and I for life. He became one of the most successful businessman in the world, while I built my reputation as the best Super Mario player in the trailer park.

When I wasn’t trying to beat Blaster Master and Goonies 2, I was relentlessly beating up Sega fans, just as Hiroshi was beating them in the Video Game Wars of the late 80’s. He fought the war at the top, while I was on the streets.

One time a Segatard told me the Sega version of Ghostbusters was far superior to the NES version. In a blind rage, I beat that small boy with his own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunchbox. Keep in mind these were the metal ones from the 80’s, not these pussy plastic lunchboxes of today.

Later in life I found out that the Sega version of Ghostbusters was superior to the NES counterpart, and that the poor kid didn’t even own a Sega system. Sometimes I regret crippling him, just as I think Hiroshi regrets the deadly pounding he gave Sonic the Hedgehog. SUCK IT DREAMCAST HAHA!

Alas, today is a good day to burn some green, Tokyo drift some Mario Cart, and drop a banana for Hiroshi. SALUTE!

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